(After publishing this post, I read over it and realized that I tried to express a great deal of heavy and complex ideas in a limited amount of space. I may not have articulated my thoughts well. If you need something specified or cleared up, email me: CzechGirl328@yahoo.com)
I have not updated in over a month. I’ve been meaning to, but I really underestimated how busy I would be when I moved back up to Denton! As a result of my busy-ness I’ve been doing a terrible job at keeping in touch with my friends. They probably think that I’m in a coma, dead in a ditch somewhere, or have fallen off the face of the Earth…because my lack of communication.
Well, I’m still alive and kicking. I have been occupied with class, studying, work, church twice a week, new student orientations, helping with College Republicans, going to various Republican party events in the area…working out when I get the time (and have the energy)…sleeping when I can…yeah. Oh, and my birthday was in there, too. Let’s just say that MANY blog-worthy events have passed since my last post, I just haven’t had the time to sit down, type them out, and send them into cyberspace.
Needless to say, I’ve been itching to blog. I was considering writing an entry about the day-to-day events that I have been experiencing. I’ve decided, however, to make this entry more specific.
I want to blog about GOD.
A year ago today there was no way that I could have forseen what would happen to me, what I would experience, in one year. I alluded to this a bit in my last entry, but I’ll reiterate: I’ve made some changes in the past three-hundred-sixty-five days. These changes and experiences have brought me to where I am today, and I could not be more thankful.
What happened exactly? Many things…some big, like moving to Denton, starting college, becoming a Republican, eating meat again. Some little, like actually making my bed and flossing for a change. But none of these factors have changed my life as much as welcoming God back into my life again, and making an effort to let Him take control of my life.
I could write many pages about what I put myself through to get to the point where I had to come back to God, but long story short:
- I had anxiety
- from the anxiety came perfectionism
- from the anxiety and perfectionism came depression
- from the depression came despair
- from the despair came isolation. Isolation from family, friends, and eventually…
If you want specifics, talk to me.
Anyway, I had been carrying a specific sin around with me for a while. Everybody sins multiple times daily, but I had one specific sin that I knew I needed to repent from, but felt like I didn’t have the strength to do so. While I was carrying my load of sin, going to church made me feel guilty, anxious, and unworthy. I wanted to come to God but I didn’t know what to do about my sin.
So I decided to say goodbye to God.
Bad idea. My problems basically snowballed.
At one point, I prayed to God. I said that I wanted to get out of this mess but that I didn’t know how to; I wanted to come to Him but I didn’t have the strength; I wanted to lose my sin but I desperately needed His help to let it go.
It didn’t happen immediately, but God pursued me. He pursued me for a few months before I finally gave in, let Him into my heart, and asked Him to use me for His will. How do I know he pursued me? Firstly, I was invited to church by a friend of mine. I went once, loved it, and started going weekly. I would also feel compelled to pray. There are more specifics, and if you would like to know them you can talk to me.
The truth is, I thought I knew what was best for myself. I didn’t and still don’t. I need God.
God forgave my sins. He removed the burden from me so that I could follow Him. He gave me a fresh perspective on life, my purpose, how I should spend my time, how I should relate to people in my life, and more.
My anxiety and depression, although they still exist to a degree, are not nearly as bad as they used to be. They are still there, yes, but I try not to let them dictate my life. God is what dictates my life.
I would like to make it VERY clear that God did not solve all of my problems.
That’s not what He’s supposed to do. There was this thing called the fall of man and, long story short, problems are guaranteed for every person regardless of their faith or lack thereof. A common complaint to God is “How could you let this happen?” or, “If you’re so good, why do you let bad things happen to good people?” You have to understand that faith in God does not equal a happy, stress-free life. Bad things may happen to you, but that does not mean that God doesn’t care about you or isn’t there at all.
Take God’s son, Jesus. He was literally perfect, God in human form. He never sinned, ever. You’d think God would cut him some slack and make things easy for him for being so good, right? Wrong. Even Jesus, God’s own son, died a terrible, horrible, gruesome, torturous death at the hands of the people he had been loving and serving.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
I find the above verse absolutely beautiful. It’s Jesus addressing people’s hardships here on Earth, essentially saying “Been there, done that; But I made it through!”
Today, when I was in church, the pastor said something in his sermon that really stood out to me. He said that current hardships are not a cave, they are a tunnel. There is a light at the end, there is hope through God.
I don’t know what kind of problems you are facing right now, but believe me, there is a light at the end of your tunnel. And frankly, you may not reach that light until you die and are joined with God in heaven. It’s hard, yes. But remember Romans 8:18:
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us.”
I did see a light at the end of my tunnel. I’m incredibly happy now and am enjoying being happy for a change. I try to enjoy each and every blessing God bestows upon me, big and small, and to thank Him for them. I try to remember, however, that the rest of my life is not going to be this way. Yes, I’m happy now; but nobody can predict the future. Accidents happen, disease afflicts, jobs are lost, disasters displace, etc. For all I know, I could lose everything near and dear to me some day, perhaps sooner than later. I may lose people and possessions, but I will never lose God. That, I can find peace in. My world may fall apart, but my world is only temporary. God is eternal.
I prepare my heart for the future by meditating on these verses:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39
“Glory to God forever and ever. He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; He alone is God.” -1 Timothy 1:17
My prayer for you is that you:
- turn from your sins and ask God to forgive you,
- confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord,
- acknowledge that Jesus died and rose from the dead as the final atoning sacrifice for your sins, that you may have eternal life through him,
- ask Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior forever.
I’m not a great theologian. I’m not a religious scholar. I’m not a scientist. I’m not trying to come across as “holier-than-thou.” I’m certainly not trying to condemn anyone, because I’ve sinned just as much as the next person.
I just want others, sincerely want others, to come to God and accept Jesus as their savior.
I’m going to close this post with a song called “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” It’s been recorded and covered by several artists. Although it was originally written for the musical, Carousel, I like to believe that God is saying this to us.
Peace and Love, everybody,